Change….
Its part of life, but it can be tricky to manage. So often
the changes that we come across as adults are not of our making (or choice).
Some people I talk to will state absolutely that they hate change and can’t
deal with it. So what can we do? What skills can we develop to help us manage?
Like all of you , my personal life has been through some
major upheaval – children, divorce (the 2 are not related!), moving house, new
jobs, serious illness in my family – the usual!
I discovered and printed the serenity prayer which is on my wall at home
-
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference
This really helped me when I felt scared, overwhelmed,
drained and really sad. Its knowing what
we can change and what we cant.
The key to managing change is accepting that its uncertainty that is the major stressor,
rather than the event itself. We worry about what that change will bring and
how our family will cope with it – see it’s the uncertainty…
Stress is an everyday part of life - it can and does cause physical as well as
emotional and mental symptoms. If these
continue over a prolonged time, or you feel that you are struggling, please see
your GP for a check-up – and then come and see us to see how we can help. The symptoms are there for a reason – to tell
you that you something is not right - and you need to listen to that. We will
be looking at stress in a forthcoming newsletter.
I like to think I’m quite a sensible, grounded person and so
when I started dealing with massive (and stressful) change I did quite a bit of
research into managing change. Here’s
what I learnt about this process…
1. Accept that not knowing is part of the process of change –
accept the uncertainty that you cannot control and know everything that is
happening, but keep going as it will unravel in front of you. Stay open and
flexible.
2. Think about your life – your reality. Yes it’s a comfort and
it’s really hard to let go of something when in the process of change, but
change will bring a new reality which will in turn have things which are
comfortable and make you happy
3. You will know who your friends are. Surround yourself with
these people and let them support you. If you are always “the strong one” this
can be hard, but they will catch you if you let them. Its not a sign of weakness to accept help and
love
4. Consider your options. Before you plunge ahead (especially
if you can be headstrong!), take time to consider the options and weigh them
up. Talk to people, get advice, research the possibilities. If you are not certain, wait and consider a
bit further if the situation allows it
5. Time is your friend.
What seems like hell will get better – think about times when its been
really tough – how did you feel a month down the line, or 6 months down the
line? When you can get some perspective you can see what it actually was rather
than fire fighting the changes. It helps you to learn and reflect on what
happened.
6. You will get through this. We all have times when we think
we wont, that its just too hard to deal with, we feel we are falling apart. My
friend said to me “breathe in and out… a lot” – sometimes you have to remember
this!
7. Get professional help if you need it. Its not weak, it’s a sensible, rational choice.
8. Remember to look after yourself. I must admit I’m not great
at this one – stress makes me have no appetite and so it’s a struggle to eat
well and stay balanced. Friends help.
Lots of people exercise their way through it.
Remember keep putting one foot in front of the other!
