From personal experience I can name a number of ways I have
expressed anger. I like to think of
myself as a fairly calm, adaptable and laid back person, but my anger can range
from the extreme anger where I feel totally out of control, to ranting to my
friends, waking up in the middle of the night ranting in my head or just simple
irritation with my children. How much of
this is ‘normal’? Is any of this causing me problems? Why does it matter?
Anger can be seen on a scale – from out of control, red mist
rage, to minor irritation. In fact there
is a Clinical anger Scale (Snell, 1995) which is used to measure anger. Anger
is a problem when it hurts you or people around you. It isn’t the anger that’s
the problem, it’s how you deal with it.
This is when it comes down to the kind of reaction you have – how the
anger is expressed or kept inside.
It seems we tend to view anger as a ‘bad’ emotion – one we
shouldn’t feel or worse still, shouldn’t express. It may be because we don’t
like to lose control, or that ‘nice’ people don’t get angry, that we may be
disapproved of, or for many other reasons.
Obviously anger outbursts which are physical in any way
either to yourself, others or something physical (like the wall) do need
attention, but just as damaging is the kind of anger which we contain and try
to ignore. This is the kind of anger
which causes you to rant to your friends about the unfairness of it and your
negative feelings towards those involved in the argument with you. Its also the anger which wakes you up in the
middle of the night whilst your head rants on “….and another thing…..” whilst
you play put the conversation the way you would like but in reality feel you
can’t.
Also on the anger scale is frustration. This is unspoken anger and can in turn lead
to maliciousness, resentment or vengeful feelings. Most commonly this is on a minor scale – for
example your partner didn’t put the bin out, so you don’t make him a cup of
coffee when you get one for yourself etc.
This can grow over time if we don’t take steps to address it.
Ultimately why does any of this matter? In recognising your
anger, how you express it – or don’t express it, allows you to self-reflect on
your actions and emotions. This helps
you to recognise situations and people which cause you stress, feelings of
anger, injustice, powerlessness and so on.
Once recognised, you can actually begin to do something about it.
Additionally It is now recognised that unresolved anger can
lead to physical health problems including high blood pressure, heart attacks,
depression, digestive problems and cold and flu (NHS), so the more you can
process your anger and not supress it, the better the outcome for your physical
health.
References
NHS (2011) How to control your anger. Available online: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/controlling-anger.aspx
