There are times in my life where I think I have been the
Queen of worrying…. Worrying about
finishing my University work, worrying about the future, worrying about my
kids, worrying about money – and on the list goes.
I worry that I will let people down – not be good enough at
my job, not be a good enough mum, not provide for my family, not be a good
partner, forget something important and do something which alters my life for
the worse and I can’t change it… It’s a fear of failure for me. Dont get me wrong - it took me some years (and a lot of self-reflection during my training as a homeopath) to realise this.
However I have learnt coping strategies to deal with this beast now – I prepare
like there is no tomorrow. I spent hours putting together what I need, checking
and rechecking it’s all there. If it’s
for a presentation I practice it so I know what order it flows in. I am lucky that I don’t suffer badly with a
fear of public speaking, so generally I can fly by the seat of my pants if I
need to.
However I do have high standards for myself – it’s not being
the best out of everyone, its being the best I can be. This sometimes can be my
undoing as I then worry that I haven’t done enough – this keeps me awake at
night, makes me feel stressed and anxious and back round we go… The vicious
cycle sets in and it just feels worse and worse.
The thing I have come to realise is that although it seems
overwhelming and unmanageable at the time, it tends to be a short lived (i.e.
weeks not years) thing. I have
learnt to try to keep perspective and although I can still wind myself up about
it, I have got better about it.
I feel very fortunate to have a few very close friends who I
can talk openly to – they listen, make me coffee, give me tissues and a
hug. I feel better for being able to
bring my worries into the light – they get smaller and more manageable. It
allows me to see ways that I can get some control back, take responsibility
over the bits I can change and put into perspective the bits I have no control over.
I actually have on my wall above my desk the first few lines
of the serenity prayer – I say it to myself when I find myself getting back
into the anxiety/fear of failure cycle… It’s on the bottom of the newsletter
and I thoroughly recommend using it!
